I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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