All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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