yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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