just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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