you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
