take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
