What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
