in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
