i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
