you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
