Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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