While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
3 2 1 whiskey
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
