My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
is it fun? or sober?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
