I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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