this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Dick very happy bro
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
