I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
