i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
