Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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