awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
