how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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