Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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