I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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