eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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