I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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