She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
