Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
