So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This couple is walking their pig around campus
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
