just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
