I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
