VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
