y did u give ur computer a hand job?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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