Whod you bang
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
