I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
