Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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