The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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