I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
