ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
