I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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