I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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