omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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