We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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