Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
