Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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