Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
