Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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