My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
