dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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