how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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