Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
