Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The power of my boobs compel you
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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